Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
