If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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