I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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