you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
