his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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