The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
