i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
