Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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