His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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