just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
