We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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