Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
