I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
