is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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