it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
