i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
