Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
