I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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