I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
