whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i love accidental penises.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize