I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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