Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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