Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
