Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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