so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
