with your own penis?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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