I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
