Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
