Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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