so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
