I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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