if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
