I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
