What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
