32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
