Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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