closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
