Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sarcasm needs its own font
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
