my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
