I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
