Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
