I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize