And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
