did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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