Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
