I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
