dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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