I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
