And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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