kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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