so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
