bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize