Your mouth is God's brothel.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
