I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
