So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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