this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
