If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
