I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
