how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
