oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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