At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
