What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
