can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
