Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
