two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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