Yo dont text me then not text me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
