My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize