Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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