i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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