I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize