Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
