He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
